Forget My Mind—I Lost My Cell Phone

First published July 24, 2008

Actually, "lost" is mother-of-a-toddler code for, "I left my cell phone in the pocket of the shorts I wore to the pool with Jake and ran it through the washing machine." Raz-r phones, I probably don't have to tell you, do not like being run through the washing machine.

The Moment Jake Went Down the Slide by Himself

First published July 18, 2008

Jake and I decided to go to the park after school on Tuesday. Usually we go home and play with the hounds or draw with chalk on the sidewalk or fast forward through Sesame Street on TiVo until we find good songs about dogs or the beach. But on Tuesday the weather was lovely and I had a rare surge of energy powerful enough to shake me out of the usual pattern.

Why Practicing Yoga Is as Simple as Sleeping with a Sick Child

First published July 15, 2008

Last night I was reminded that as parents we all practice yoga all the time, whether we realize it or not. We all put aside our own discomfort to care for our children and in return we receive the joy that is motherhood.

Which, I thought as I slept with my restless, sick, hitting-me-in-the-face-and-then-asking-for-juice son, is very much what a yoga practice is about, even if we don't use the asanas to remind us of it.

Monday Mornings, Sleeping In, and the Clash of the "Should Do's"

First published July 14, 2008

Jake slept in this Monday morning. I did too, for a while. Until Mike told me it was eight o'clock and suddenly my eyes were wide open like a Bush voter who finds out for the first time that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. One minute I was dozing blissfully, the next I was jolted awake with the unpleasant aftertaste of guilt in my mouth.

MIA Part Three: Not Doubting Your Path

First published on July 11, 2008

Sometimes there are good reasons you don't have time to, say, write a YogaMamaMe post for two weeks. And I don't mean "good" in the "eat your spinach, it's good for you" sense of good. I mean good, like good for my soul, happy, fun.

I mean, to get to the point, Coon Dog Day.

MIA Part Two: Learning Who You Are

First published on July 9, 2008.

So another reason I was missing in action for two weeks (even though, I say again to the empty echo-chamber of a deserted readership, I don't think anyone really noticed): a visit to Louisville for my grandfather's funeral.

Sad as this sounds—and much as the past couple of posts might, um, bring the mood down a bit—I feel that this was, in a pure, unselfish way, a happy thing. He lived nearly 95 years in comfort and amazingly good health. He left the world in his sleep, at home, in his own bed, surrounded by people who loved him. If you accept—as we all must in our own way—that this life will end at some point, you've got to be happy for someone who has it end the way it did for my grandfather.

Plus, I have been blessed with a gain to equal the loss—new information about my grandfather, things I never knew and am proud to know now. And this information, in turn, tells me things that—incredibly, gloriously, awe-inspiringly—tell me more about myself.

MIA Part One: Overthinking Motherhood

First published July 7, 2008

I've been gone a long, long time. Two weeks. Which, in this still-new-to-me world of blogging is, like, an eternity. Good thing I haven't launched yet so likely the only people who've noticed my silence are the kind friends who will stick with me no matter what and were maybe even kind of relieved to have a break from my ramblings, even though they'd never tell me so to my face.

There are several reasons for my being MIA. And each of them is so full of thoughts on motherhood and self—like a big, juicy, overripe elephant plum, mostly sweet, but likely to make your eyes water and your mouth pucker if you get too close to the pit—that they all deserve their own post. Which leaves me writing singularly today about something that's a little scary to highlight with its own post, stranded alone and naked without the comforting cover of other, less fraught topics to lessen its impact and present it in its true, almost-manageable light.

But it's what's on my mind right now, and a big chunk of the writing paralysis. So.

Reason Number One for why I've been MIA: a miscarriage.*

[* Which turned out to be a misdiagnosis.  Thankfully, I rejected the resident's demand that I have an immediate DNC and am now looking at my 4-and-a-half-year-old daughter.]