"Keep it short," my husband Mike told me, not for the first time, last night. It's been his advice about both of my blogs. "People don't want to read anything really lengthy."
Usually, I ignore him. It's just not in my power to be brief, I shrug to myself. It's part of my writing style to go off on tangents, to present useless observations that I (and probably no one else) find amusing, to write about things that don't matter a whole lot.
But last night something shifted. I had been to a lovely yoga class celebrating the first day of spring earlier in the day, and something fundamental took root in my mind. It was a notion I once knew and practiced but had somehow lost in the 15 months I've been a mother. Like the opening bud on a tree that has slept through winter, I realized that is really is important to be silent.
Huh?
When a small being is dependent on you for all his needs -- for his very life -- it's awfully hard to quiet the chatter in your mind. Forget something and your child might suffer. It becomes a habit, this chattering mind, and as I indulged it the chatter grew. Wondering if Jake is napping at school right now? Why relax in the knowledge that he will nap at some point when I can think about him needlessly? Think about what to feed him this weekend? Hey, if I don't we might end up -- gasp -- feeding him prepared food. Start two blogs where I can blab on and on about the thoughts jumping like dizzy Tinkerbells between brain synapses? Just feeding it, I know, but it feels so good.
Finally, yesterday in yoga class it became okay to shut it off. To be truly silent. Maybe it was starting class with a standing balance sequence. I have never, ever been a natural at balance. It took me years of practice to feel more like a tree in vrksasana (tree pose) and less like a brittle blade of dead grass, felled by a slight gust of wind. Even now, maintaining balance for me depends on not thinking. Vrksasana may be the only time I ever do it.
So, I offer you a challenge. In the middle of your day, when your child is at school or with a nanny or with your partner or even after he is asleep this evening, stand in vrksasana:
Vrksasana (Tree Pose)
Stand in tadasana (mountain pose) -- both feet flat on the floor, legs engaged, navel pulling in toward your spine and up toward your heart, heart lifting and shoulders sliding down your back. Transfer your intention to your left foot; feel it holding you up. Slowly lift your right foot off the ground, bending at the knee. Turn your right knee out to the side and let the sole of your right foot rest on the inside of your left leg. (If you're advanced, you may reach for your right ankle and lift your right foot higher on your left leg.) You can place your hands in angeli mudra (prayer position) at your heart or lift them overhead, whatever feels best. Balance. Keep balancing. This is silence.
When you're done, meditate for five minutes.
And please let me know if you're successful, because I can tell you right now, five minutes of quiet is still way too challenging for my chattering brain. But at least I don't have to subject you to it any longer.
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