"Is this the kind of day I'm going to have?" I whined as I pinched my fingers in the buckle of Jake's stroller while rushing to get him to school.
YES! boomed something much bigger than me a few minutes later, when Jake dropped the windshield scraper he so loves to carry to school on my toe.
Of course, I wouldn't bother being bothered by such minor annoyances if I weren't already agitated. Especially on a beautiful morning like this one, when I awakened to the sounds of birds calling and the gentle shuff of the breeze slipping under the blinds. It's Friday, and it's spring, and I should be suffused in a melty vacationy feeling.
But agitated I am, and perhaps a bit more so for knowing I am going to spend most of this beautiful morning inside and will emerge from yoga class into a predicted thunderstorm, another appointment, and an afternoon entertaining my mother-in-law instead of hunching over my computer getting work done now instead of, harmlessly, a little bit later. Not that the thunderstorm is anything more than yet another minor annoyance brought to ringing life by the bigger things nibbling at my composure.
The first, and biggest, is that I don't have time to finish a proper post. Or, more globally, every time I seem to settle into a regular work life with a big sigh of now my life can have a modicum of order I am interrupted for . . . visits to the pediatrician. . . . visits to the vet. . . . grocery shopping. . . . entertaining guests. . . . or, just as I was typing this, calls from the CPA's office informing me that we somehow missed a message last week that our returns are ready and we must pick them up immediately, or at least before Tuesday. I am tempted to pull the old blood pressure monitor that Mike bought a few years ago out of the closet. He never used it much, but I enjoyed seeing how low I could register. This was before I had a child.
Then I arrived at Jake's school and started trying to list all the instructions for dealing with his allergies on the three lines allotted on his daily form intended more for comments like, "Didn't eat breakfast," than details about which sheets to put on my child's cot for his nap and which kids he can't sit next to at snack time because they sometimes have peanutbutter. I crammed it all in with as many exclamation marks and smiley faces as I could to lighten the tone, but I know for a fact no one is going to bother to read yet another one of my tomes on how to care for my kid when they have so many others to tend to as well.
I walked home practically in tears, certain that Jake is going to grab his friend's peanutbutter crackers and end up in the emergency room because I was being too polite. And then I started to hyperventilate because I really would like to write about this issue, but I knew I had just an hour before yoga class and therapy and meeting my mother-in-law downtown to spend the afternoon because I'm the only one of her sons and daughters-in-law here in Asheville who doesn't absolutely have to be at work on this particular Friday afternoon. And then I began to wonder what happened to that marvelous ability I developed earlier in the week to let life intrude on the things we think make up life, like our work weeks, and why I couldn't just enjoy my melty vacationy Friday afternoon.
Giving up my yoga class, by the way, is not a solution. Sometimes it is -- like last Tuesday when my relatives were arriving. But sometimes yoga is exactly what you need, especially on days like this one when I feel like obligations are encroaching when they're really not. An hour and a half spent not spinning out mythical deadlines will be very much more beneficial than spending that hour and a half resenting the fact that I am doing things that can wait instead of going to yoga class.
So, with just 15 minutes left before my day takes me somewhere other than my computer, I offer my solution -- which perhaps will translate to your next Friday Morning Bothered Blues day:
There Is More Time Than You Think
First, I let go of the rigid deadlines I had set for myself and allowed that maybe things will take a little bit longer than I'd like -- getting the YogaMamaMe website set up, finishing the YogaMamaMe book proposal, using the spa certificate gathering dust on my dresser because I am saving it for when I have finished the YogaMamaMe book proposal.
Once I surrendered to the fact that life sometimes happens at a different pace from the one I've set for myself, I felt like I could breathe again. It was like the jumble of all my obligations were bouncing around inside a pinata and a gaggle of laughing children burst it open, creating infinite space. (Of course, this would not be a pinata filled with sweet treats, but something more like the one a Weight Watchers devotee friend of mine concocted for her kids -- filled with little boxes of raisins and other disappointments.)
And to get that rhythm back into your game next time you feel the Friday Morning Bothered Blues yourself, I'll give you some quick instructions for Surya Namaskar (traditional).
Surya Namaskar (Traditional) (sun salutes)
1) Stand in tadasana (mountain pose). Be still for a moment, to remind yourself that it's okay to stop moving sometimes (even when yoga class starts in 15 minutes).
2) Press your feet into the floor as you inhale and circle your arms overhead, gathering prana (energy) for your practice. Let your hands meet at the top.
3) Sweep your arms to the side as you exhale and swan dive, leading with your heart, into a forward fold. Keep your legs strong.
4) Inhale and lift your heart, keeping your fingers on the floor or, to create more space for your spine, your hands on your shins. This is a moment to offer your heart and your trust to the Universe.
5) Exhale and fold forward, stepping back with your left foot into a lunge (high with knee off the floor or low with knee and top of foot on the floor).
6) Inhale and lift your heart. You may keep your fingers on the floor or circle your arms overhead, lifting your body.
7) Exhale and replace your hands on your floor while dropping your hips for a deeper stretch.
8) Inhale into plank pose. This is an upper push-up, which demands that you pull your abdominals in strongly and keep your legs very strong. Make sure your shoulders are directly over your wrists.
9) Exhale slowly to the floor, keeping your elbows close to your sides.
10) Inhale into cobra pose -- pelvis, legs, and tops of the feet on the floor, elbows close to your sides, shoulder blades down the back as you lift your heart and lengthen your spine.
11) Exhale and lift your hips as you tuck your toes under, shifting back to downward facing dog pose.
12) Inhale as you step your left foot to the front of the mat. Use your abdominal muscles to help control this movement. And your hands if your foot needs a little extra help.
13) Exhale into this lunge.
14) Inhale and lift your heart and, if you wish, your torso.
15) Exhale your hands to the floor. Lift your hips and step your right (back) foot forward. Continue to exhale and squeeze out the last of your air in a forward fold.
16) Strengthen your legs, lead with your heart, and inhale in a reverse swan dive to standing, circling your arms overhead.
17) Exhale your hands in front of your heart.
18) Repeat, starting with the right leg stepping back (and stepping forward in #12).
Pardon all the typos in this entry -- I'm off to yoga.
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